You're too good to be true

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But well, I still put a crush on you

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Oct ‘22

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Hi, it is me coming back with things happened around me the whole month. I would like to give this month an award of unstable life of the year. I began the month with the answer I have been looking for the past years. The question that was just popped up most of the time in my mind with various speculation about the answers. How did I feel back then? Devastated. Thought I never expect anything before but while I heard the answered, it just made my heart scattered into peaces. At least, I needed 2-3 days to recover for all the heart-broken season. It was great recovery yet stressful as i had to face the unreasonable workload due to Audit and Inspection at work. How could it possible to work on those two things in the consecutive weeks? My energy, my thoughts, my emotion were just draining out. I experienced going home at 10.30 p.m while the traveling time took around 1.5-2 hours. Then the next morning, I had to be functional again. I have followed my friend’s suggestion to find someone ...
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A thing does not seem right.

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On the journey of leading for the best of myself, I just wish that everyone around me will cheer me on. When I decide to share my story with people, it means I wish for encouragement. But it just becomes a selection phase of who I should share my journey with. And it hits me quite hard. The last time I decide to share my ongoing plan, my dream, and the excitement of the preparation, I read disappointment & question mark on their face. I feel like they ask me in silent "Why do you even choose that way? There is something more important than your journey". But the thing came out from them was "Please reconsider your plan" and "Please remember your current age". The other response I received was "You should do just one thing and focus on it". Guess they see me as someone without any destination, doing things half-hearted. Why can't I even use my own time to be productive in many things? Why can't I live to the fullest on my current time?...
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