Oct ‘22

Hi, it is me coming back with things happened around me the whole month. I would like to give this month an award of unstable life of the year.

1. I began the month with the answer I have been looking for the past years. The question that was just popped up most of the time in my mind with various speculation about the answers. How did I feel back then? Devastated. Thought I never expect anything before but while I heard the answered, it just made my heart scattered into peaces. At least, I needed 2-3 days to recover for all the heart-broken season.
2. It was great recovery yet stressful as i had to face the unreasonable workload due to Audit and Inspection at work. How could it possible to work on those two things in the consecutive weeks? My energy, my thoughts, my emotion were just draining out. I experienced going home at 10.30 p.m while the traveling time took around 1.5-2 hours. Then the next morning, I had to be functional again.
3. I have followed my friend’s suggestion to find someone on the dating app. Somehow, it was great to start a conversation with a perfect match. Everything went smoothly; the topics, the vibes, the stories, the habits. However, I did not expect that I was being ghosted by someone at the end. Funny. A good start does not always end with a good end. I also needed to recover from the shock, but well, actually up until now, I am still holding grudge to that person.
4. I had a concert for 3 days at the end of the month. I expected it to be a blast concert this year but reality said otherwise. The over capacity people in the concert venue was just made me super uncomfortable. Too crowded, too loud, and too much. Honestly, I enjoy every stages I have been stood for. I could sing and dance along the performances and feel like I was not myself during those short times. Well, for the sake of everyone’s safety, the 3rd day was cancelled. Yup, the end of this month is also crappy.
5. Due to the circumstances inside myself, I have to uninstall the dating app and stop looking for a boyfriend until I am ready to (I take this suggestion seriously). Somehow, I could not control my own emotion; not having a tantrum though, more likely look like a drunk person alive. I have never been as unstable as now.

That is the summary of the month. A thing to be thankful for, universe keeps pulling me out from the worse things, so here I am. Trying to be under control and learn about myself once again. This is just a reminder to me, no matter how hard it might be or how messy it is, I could always take a step back and hug myself tightly. I should not fall down for such a unpleasant things revolved around me. I am just gonna come back once I am ready.