A thing does not seem right.

On the journey of leading for the best of myself, I just wish that everyone around me will cheer me on. When I decide to share my story with people, it means I wish for encouragement.

But it just becomes a selection phase of who I should share my journey with. And it hits me quite hard.

The last time I decide to share my ongoing plan, my dream, and the excitement of the preparation, I read disappointment & question mark on their face. I feel like they ask me in silent "Why do you even choose that way? There is something more important than your journey". But the thing came out from them was "Please reconsider your plan" and "Please remember your current age".

The other response I received was "You should do just one thing and focus on it". Guess they see me as someone without any destination, doing things half-hearted. Why can't I even use my own time to be productive in many things? Why can't I live to the fullest on my current time? If that one thing has waiting time, should I just sit prettily without doing anything?

I am sure that I don't violate anything yet I feel things don't seem right. I do research for everything I am planning for. I weigh the benefit-risk I may face. I calculate the number I should spend. But, I feel a lot of pressure in every step I take. I keep looking back and asking myself: Are you sure about this? Is it selfish thing to do?

Oh, I am being dramatic nowadays. Adulting is crazy. Once, you're more than sure and passionate to achive your plan. Then, you don't even trust yourself at all. Funny, isn't it?  

Carpe diem. It doesn't mean I don't evaluate my past days or plan my future life. It's just... I am trying to live today without any regret. 

It's allowed, right?